all for what?

So, you quickly glance up under your eyelids just to watch and take in.
Doing nothing in particular just discrete.
Making sure to scan around if anyone is watching you.
You're safe; continue.
And then looking, you remember it will never really have come to pass and question whether your longing should even reach eventuality.
Perhaps not.
Your lips may fit together; your bodies may not; probably won't.
It's not really comprehensible; the fantasy never follows that narrative.
So what is this then?
Keeping occupied; a mere hobby to have something else to think about other than the emptiness of your own mind.
You've stumbled upon a tiny flame in a vast abyss and allowed it to be to you an all consuming fire; ravaging the barren darkness within which you would otherwise be falling through.