It's now the end of the two weeks of training we, volunteer managers, have been having, mostly at the Raleigh Field Base on the Catie farm, Turrialba but which also included a two day trek, spending the first night camping on the 'plaza' (aka football field) of a neighbouring village, and the second night in a hammock in the jungle underneath some torrential rain.
The trek was monsterous, carrying a 20kg backpack in equatorial climate, waking up at 3:30am in the mornings to start walking, not being able to shower and having to piss outside without toilet roll or the ability to wash my hands. A large part of me is very disappointed that I disliked it so much as I had been hoping since I found out that I would be coming out here to get the opportunity to lead a trek. However following that two and a half day 'adventure', I feel I can categorically say I am not up to supporting 10 other young people to complete a 19 day trek across the Costa Rican jungle. Instead I will be working with Barney and Julie in Nicaragua on a community project in San Nicolas, a very small village in the district of Achuapa (because repetition is boring see
raleigh blog). I'm a little nervous about the relationships that may or may not form as the case may be and what my role will end up being, nevertheless I am constantly trying to remain optimistic.
The training over these past 2 weeks have been very comprehensive covering both 'hard' and 'soft' skills. The learning and absorbing of information has been very straighforward for me. However t's my position within the group that I have felt most uncomfortable with. So far I feel I have spent most of my time on the peripheries observing others enjoy themselves. My interaction and integration in the group has been very limited, as I am still not comfortable and confident with most of my fellow VMs, and certainly in large group situations I feel intimidated, ostracised and a little ignored. All of which has been a repeated pattern whenever I am put in a completely new situation so again I'm optimistic about how dynamics may change and relationships form and the weeks and months go by as they usually do, but there's still a niggling doubt that I won't enjoy myself as much as I had hoped and reach home on the 25 December feeling incredibly disappointed.
Although I am feeling quite excited about the venturers coming in 2 days time, in large part because I hope my experience of meeting them will be better than the experience I feel I've had with my colleagues. Because I will already be in a position of some responsibility and authority, and therefore will not necessarily have to fight for it or struggle to be heard, I am, perhaps naively, thinking I will come into my own. Time will tell...
